an appreciation.

I nervously entered the exam room.
So clearly conscious about the fact that, this was going to be, arguably one of the most important moment of my life, I shivered. The spine tingling shiver was beautifully orchestrated with equal part of fear and excitement, and travelled deep down into my blood stream. 
I felt sick. A vague awareness of the possible success was the notion that I tried to remember to suppress the wet saliva hitting the back of my throat. The waves of emotions that came and went without warning was the only driving force of this significant moment that I just wanted to get over and done with.
And luckily, I passed the test.


I couldn't possibly tell you how I felt.
Driving back to work that morning, I cried, I laughed, then I cried, laughed again and I sighed; a sigh of relief that it was all over, at least, for now.

I wanted to thank Toby that day.
Not because he spent all his evening rustling up fresh pasta on the table that particular day, but for feeding my sensitive soul with comfort and lending me a huge place that I call shelter in his heart for all these years.
Not for the bunch of flowers that put a smile on my face that particular moment, but for his beautiful thoughts that makes me blossom every day in day out. Not because he cheered a glass of champagne with me late into that night, but for waking up each and every morning with such an endearing faith of believing in me.


I want to thank him for all those little kind gestures of everydayness that makes me feel privileged, alive and most importantly, loved.

Beetroot and Chocolate cake (adapted from Abel and Cole Recipe Ideas)


for cake
200g beetroot
125g plain flour
15g powdered ginger
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
150g caster sugar
200g olive spread, room temperature
3 eggs, separated
150g dark chocolate, grated
1 zest of orange
pinch of salt 


for sour cream frosting
120g dark chocolate
1 tsp instant coffee
175g sour cream
30g coco powder
30g icing sugar
50ml creme de cassis


This is a cake for chocolate lovers. The surprising ingredient, beetroot helps to moisten the texture of cake to another level and the rich dark chocolate sour cream frosting gives you the most luxurious velvety richness. This is a proper afternoon tea time cake.


Prepare your beetroots first by peeling them. Chop them up in small squares so it doesn't take you too long to cook them and put them in the sauce pan with some water to cover with a little pinch of salt. Cook them for around an hour or until tender enough to Pierce the fork through. Drain them and whizz them up in food processor to make smooth puree.


Preheat the oven to 190º.
Cream the olive spread and sugar until pale and fluffy then slowly add the egg york little at the time. Now shift all of your dry ingredients (flour, powdered ginger and baking powder) into the creamed mixture and fold them carefully.
Whisk the egg whites until they are stiff like meringue. Spoon the egg whites, about one third of it, into the flour mixture and fold gently. Continue folding in the egg whites until they are all mixed well.
Now add beetroot puree, grated chocolate, pinch of salt and zest of orange. Stir in carefully.
Use greased and lined cake tin and bake them for about 50mins.


Meanwhile make the sour cream frosting by melting the chocolate over barely simmering water with coffee. Once all melted, set aside to cool.
Mix in all ingredients to melted chocolate and beat them until they are smooth spreadable consistency.


When cake is done, cool them down before transferring.
Cut the cake in half in the middle and spread some frosting like sponge sandwiches. Place the top part carefully and spread the rest of frosting generously. By doing so, you'll get layers of lovely textures when you bite into it.

And eight years on, this journey of our life together, for what it is worth, is quite beautiful.