may the spirit of those joyful Christmas to be touched upon you.

I can remember.

I remember that cold winter, tired faces, hopeless hopes and a little drop of tears.

Looking back though, it does kind of explain everything itself. It's just that I never really wanted to see the truth as quite how it was.

My mum and dad were always hard at working.

My mum who comes from relatively wealthy and educated background, married to my dad who had nothing to show but his strong work ethic. My mum's side of family never quite accepted my dad for who he was at the beginning and this had brought a chip on his shoulder that made him feel slightly resented.

Although my mum's family had never outspoken what they thought of my dad, I think, my dad always knew he had something to prove.
Maybe that was the problem.
He never gave himself a time off. He'd work quite happily seven days a week if there was any extra work to be done. 
My mum supported my dad believing that one day they will be in very different position. And thankfully it didn't take long for them to become comfortable.


But the thing that really bothered me all the time was, they were just so realists.
My parents never really bought into the ideas of Christmas.
As much as Christmas wasn't such a big deal back home in Korea, I really loved the idea of giving presents (or perhaps more to do with the idea of receiving), spending quality time together and having a big family feast. 
My parents on the other hands, never really thought much of it. My mum was just happy she's got a day off and I think, quite frankly, my dad was in fact a bit annoyed that he couldn't work, which was just beyond my comprehension.


So one Christmas, I decided, I could change all this nonsense.
There I went to find some cardboards, tapes, ribbons and etc. I was on the mission to make my own Christmas tree. 
I had my sister cutting some shapes, my brother colouring them in and I put them all together with ribbons and there it was, standing right before our eyes, our first ever handmade Christmas tree!
We were so excited and pleased with what we've achieved. Then I remembered the story I heard and I insisted we hang some socks in hope of some presents. I had been really good all year looking after my little sister and brother, I thought, I'll most definitely have a visit from the Santa. And in all honesty, I truly believed there was a Santa who came to reward you if you were good.
I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face thinking to myself I'd better stay awake so I can catch him to say hello'. Or some other times I was worried that he might miss our house because there was no chimney for him to get in.


You know, I can honestly say, I really hoped for that magical Christmas to come to our house for once. And for once, I really wanted to my mum and dad to just enjoy and have fun with us like in those films I saw. I did not have much clues of what it would have meant for my parents, to fulfil my hope of us opening all those boxes of desperately wished presents. But the thing which I desperately wished for was in fact, just the spirit of those joyful Christmas to be touched upon my mum and dad who always was tired and exhausted from all that reality. I just wanted that one day of romance to happen to our household where those weird and wonderful chemistry didn't unwrap that often.


To no ones' surprise, nothing ever happened the next morning.
I still woke up to the same cold winter morning, tired faces, hopeless hopes and three very sad looking empty soaks. And to top it up, my dad kind of laughed off and shouted, ''There is no such a thing!''


Do you know, maybe there was no such a thing, but those weird and wonderful chemistry of romantic winter wonders will always be with me in this festive season.
I will always believe in that magical Christmas!
And I hope you do too...

May the spirit of those joyful Christmas to be touched upon you.