it cleanses my soul.

I've done it again.

I bought exactly the same diary as last year and the year before, and another year before that, and then very possibly, another few years going back over a half a decade.

I sat down with a nice big mug of green tea; remember, this is a new year and we also all play this game, in the name of detox.

I am going through my last year's diary. Flipping through each and every pages of last year, I rather love the reminiscent of what has become apparent past. Patiently copying all important birthdays, anniversaries and etc. onto my new diary, I am excited what will unfold. The possibilities of unknown is daunting but the opportunities of possible ability is the force that pushes me to march through with grace and enchantment.

I read through dinner party night guest lists, date nights, some unkept training sessions, holidays, little notes on 'I must' and some endless lists of ideas on new recipes I scribbled on all over and every corner of my last year's diary.

I think a lot of stuff I planned last year was more of a 'wish-list' than a 'to do-list'. More than half a year was dedicated to our dream of making a new home-sweet-home, we hardly stopped to take a breath.

I feel I've neglected my love of food although I religiously worshiped my love of wine. I was so busy demanding Toby of all things DIY, I forgot to tell him what it meant for me to have him so close to me and breath together. Spending most of time stressed about nothing important, I didn't think to sit down and appreciate.

So I am going to do it again.

I'll write all those things down. Like many other years. 

In a hope to better myself, I will follow this rituals of the opening of new year.

Because it cleanses my soul.

Curried Yellow Split Peas
Serves 4


160g yellow split peas, soaked in water over night then rinsed thoroghly
1/2 tsp fenugreek seed
1/4 tsp mace
1/4 tsp fennel seed
1/2 tsp cumin seed
1 whole chilli
1 onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1inch ginger, grated
1/2 tsp ground turmeric
1 cinnamon stick
2 medium size tomatoes, chopped
3 tbsp tamarind water
50ml coconut milk
700ml water
1/2 tsp garam masala
little vegetable oil
some salt and pepper


for garnish
1 onion, finely sliced
some vegetable oil
pinch of salt
chopped coriander




This dish is my kind of feel good comfort food.
It is relatively simple to make and the mixture of spices gives lovely depth of flavour to the peas. 
I love the little sour flavour comes from tamarind water which elevates the curry while coconut milk helps to maintain the richness.


First of all, dry roast the spices (fenugreek, mace, fennel and cumin) and ground them in pestle and mortar.
Over a medium heat, add a little oil into your pan and saute the onions until softened and golden in colour. Add garlic, ginger, ground spices, turmeric, cinnamon stick and chopped tomatoes along with some freshly cracked black pepper.
Put the lid back onto the pan and leave them to cook for 5mins. Make sure to stir well occasionally to stop them sticking to the bottom of the pan.
After 5mins or so, add the peas, chilli as whole, pinch of salt and water to the pan. Bring them to boil then simmer for 45mins to 1hour. Stir them occasionally.
Once the yellow split peas are cooked (should be soft with a little bite to it rather than mushy), add tamarind water along with coconut milk.
Finally, dust the garam masala on top of cooked peas, put the lid back on the pan and leave them to rest for at least 30mins to give the dish time to develop the flavour.


You can fry the onions while you wait. 
Simply fry them with little oil and a pinch of salt over medium heat until they are crispy.


Before you serve, make sure to give it a good stir, season to taste and garnish it with crispy onions and some fresh coriander.
Enjoy!

Hope you are all in for the brilliant 2012!

may the spirit of those joyful Christmas to be touched upon you.

I can remember.

I remember that cold winter, tired faces, hopeless hopes and a little drop of tears.

Looking back though, it does kind of explain everything itself. It's just that I never really wanted to see the truth as quite how it was.

My mum and dad were always hard at working.

My mum who comes from relatively wealthy and educated background, married to my dad who had nothing to show but his strong work ethic. My mum's side of family never quite accepted my dad for who he was at the beginning and this had brought a chip on his shoulder that made him feel slightly resented.

Although my mum's family had never outspoken what they thought of my dad, I think, my dad always knew he had something to prove.
Maybe that was the problem.
He never gave himself a time off. He'd work quite happily seven days a week if there was any extra work to be done. 
My mum supported my dad believing that one day they will be in very different position. And thankfully it didn't take long for them to become comfortable.


But the thing that really bothered me all the time was, they were just so realists.
My parents never really bought into the ideas of Christmas.
As much as Christmas wasn't such a big deal back home in Korea, I really loved the idea of giving presents (or perhaps more to do with the idea of receiving), spending quality time together and having a big family feast. 
My parents on the other hands, never really thought much of it. My mum was just happy she's got a day off and I think, quite frankly, my dad was in fact a bit annoyed that he couldn't work, which was just beyond my comprehension.


So one Christmas, I decided, I could change all this nonsense.
There I went to find some cardboards, tapes, ribbons and etc. I was on the mission to make my own Christmas tree. 
I had my sister cutting some shapes, my brother colouring them in and I put them all together with ribbons and there it was, standing right before our eyes, our first ever handmade Christmas tree!
We were so excited and pleased with what we've achieved. Then I remembered the story I heard and I insisted we hang some socks in hope of some presents. I had been really good all year looking after my little sister and brother, I thought, I'll most definitely have a visit from the Santa. And in all honesty, I truly believed there was a Santa who came to reward you if you were good.
I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face thinking to myself I'd better stay awake so I can catch him to say hello'. Or some other times I was worried that he might miss our house because there was no chimney for him to get in.


You know, I can honestly say, I really hoped for that magical Christmas to come to our house for once. And for once, I really wanted to my mum and dad to just enjoy and have fun with us like in those films I saw. I did not have much clues of what it would have meant for my parents, to fulfil my hope of us opening all those boxes of desperately wished presents. But the thing which I desperately wished for was in fact, just the spirit of those joyful Christmas to be touched upon my mum and dad who always was tired and exhausted from all that reality. I just wanted that one day of romance to happen to our household where those weird and wonderful chemistry didn't unwrap that often.


To no ones' surprise, nothing ever happened the next morning.
I still woke up to the same cold winter morning, tired faces, hopeless hopes and three very sad looking empty soaks. And to top it up, my dad kind of laughed off and shouted, ''There is no such a thing!''


Do you know, maybe there was no such a thing, but those weird and wonderful chemistry of romantic winter wonders will always be with me in this festive season.
I will always believe in that magical Christmas!
And I hope you do too...

May the spirit of those joyful Christmas to be touched upon you.