I used to.

If you knew me from all those years ago, you'd remember, I was that girl who used to blush in pain as I reluctantly say my name.
When I was growing up, I never used to like my name. 
It's only when I came to London that I made a peace of being 'Suk'.

'Suk' was quite an unusual surname to have as there weren't many around. 
I used to hate the fact that it was rare, and was never really keen on how it sounded.
It used to make me feel like I was an odd ball rather than one of many, which was quite strange because, all I ever wanted to be when I was at school, was to be different, and to stand out.

At the start of every academic year, thought of having to introduce myself was enough to put me off, and used to take all the excitements away from all the things I'd been looking forward to. 
Receiving new text books, making new friends, planning a year ahead on my brand new diary, all those fancy coloured biros that I've been proudly collecting with the intention to do well in the classes and etc., would quite simply shy away, and took a back sit whilst I quietly breathe in and out in fear of having to say my name out loud.
Oh gosh, I can tell you, those moments were painful. Painful to be me, and probably even more painful to be around me.

Yes, I know it may sound so pathetic, but back then, it was one of my greatest fear of all time. It was like the biggest mole or the scar on your forehead that I couldn't get rid of, and I had to carry this one giant catastrophic embarrassment with me forever. I had to grin and bear this painful journey of introducing myself all the way through my adulthood, and it wasn't gonna go away as long as my living life exists! 
It was like 'Oh God, please give me the strength!'.

So, as you can imagine, since getting married, I joyfully started the process of changing my name. I first casually started the process with the many online sites I joined up, which made me giggle as it seemed so wrong that my name sounded so English. 
Then I enthusiastically visited my bank, like a girl on the mission, and proudly presented my marriage certificate. 
I didn't even think twice about being 'Mrs Scott'. For me, it was a done deal. 
You see, I was always so sure that I wanted to take Toby's name. Well, I thought I was anyway.

The day I received my brand new bank card, however, with 'Scott' written all over it, I hesitated. I carried two cards in my purse for days and days. I was reluctant to sign the new card. 
All of at sudden I wasn't quite sure. I wasn't ready to say good-bye to my old self. I kept hearing my old self whispering, 'I quite like being 'Suk'. 
After all these years, and for the first time in my lived life, 'Suk' kind of sounded cool.
For whatever the reason, I felt sort of sad.
Was I scared? Did I feel sad thinking I was loosing part of me? Maybe. 
But it's a bit daft to think that, isn't it? Because actually, as you might say, nothing really changes at all.

I am still the same weird one trying to live this weird and wonderful life in its full potential to be happy, except now, I do that with my lifelong friend, husband!

Prawn Parcels in Aromatic Asian Broth
Serves 4 as starter or 2 as main

for the broth
chicken carcass or some chicken wings
1 small pork spare rib
1 star anise
1 cinnamon stick
10 cloves
5 white peppercorn
5 black peppercorn
bunch of spring onions
5 garlic cloves
1inch ginger
pinch of salt

for the parcels
250g raw king prawns
1/2 inch ginger, grated
1 garlic clove, grated
1 green chilli, roughly chopped (use less if you don't like it hot)
handful of coriander, roughly chopped
2 spring onions, roughly chopped
180g cooked rice (I used mixed wild rice which has more bite to it)
2tbsp soy sauce
1/2 tbsp mirin
pinch of white pepper
4 large savoy cabbage leaves (use 8 small leaves instead, if your leaves are too small)
pinch of salt

for the garnish
Shichimi powder (optional)
some red chilli, thinly sliced
some spring onion, finely sliced

This is a sort of dish I crave when I feel like my body's been overly nourished with rich and heavy food. Its aromatic broth will gently calm your palate, whilst sweet juicy prawns wrapped up in green cabbage leaves comfort you with a substance.

I have used prawns for this recipe but do feel free to use ground beef, pork or even maybe some shiitake mushrooms if you prefer. Just remember to season well. If you are going to use mushrooms as your choice of filling, you might want to blanch them first to remove some excess water, and season well with some soy sauce and sesame oil.
It can appear a bit fiddly to make, but trust me, you'll be so glad that you've had a go.

First thing you need to do is making the broth, which is quite simple.
Put all the ingredients for the broth in a large sauce pan, and fill it with water, about 2-2.5 litre. Bring it to boil, gently simmer for 2-3 hours, let it cool down a little when ready, and run it through the sieve to collect the liquid.
Now, you want to keep this broth in the fridge for a while, preferably overnight, or until the fat sets hard on the surface so it is easy to remove the fat from the broth. 
I like doing this because this process will make my broth extra lean but with all the flavours I need.
One thing I will say though, is please, do make your broth. 
I'd like to say you can just use shop bought chicken stock and it will possibly do the job, but it won't be the same.

For the parcels, first of all, bring the water to boil in the medium sauce pan, put the savoy cabbage leaves, add pinch of salt, and boil them for about minute or so until the leaves are softened a little.
Rinse the cabbage leaves in ice cold water, drain and give it a good squeeze to remove all excess water.
Carefully spread each leaves on to your chopping board, remove as much as of the hard stem bits in the middle, and set a side.

Now, onto the prawn filling. Place prawns, ginger, chilli, garlic, coriander and spring onion into your food processor, and whizz them up until it resembles a course paste.
Tip those into a large mixing bowl, add your cooked rice, mirin, soy sauce and white pepper, and give it a good stir.

To make the parcel, place your cabbage leave onto the clean surface, and spoon the prawn mixture onto the cabbage. 
You want to start wrapping this up by folding the softer bottom end of cabbage leaves first rather than the stem end, then the sides and just roll them until you get to the stem end. Secure it with couple of cocktail sticks.
Repeat the process until you finish all four of them.

Put your broth you made earlier in a large shallow saucepan and bring it to simmer.
Place your prawn parcels, and simmer gently for about 15mins.

You can finish off the dish with the sprinkle of some Shichimi powder, thinly sliced red chilli and spring onion.
Hope you enjoy.

I must admit, I found it very very strange saying the word 'husband'. 
I get all giddy and ever so slightly embarrassed when I say 'the word'.

if you ever ask me.

I don't know about you, but I tend to do most of thinking in the car on my way to work.

When I was first learning to drive, I never though I'd be able to do anything other than just driving.
At that time, everything felt like such an effort to remember. Changing gears, minding the road and fellow drivers, steering left and right whilst making the correct turns, it felt like an impossible mission for someone who doesn't have much space awareness. I quite literally bump into everybody everywhere which often drives Toby mad, and it can be embarrassing when it happens too frequently.

When my instructor assured me that one day, it will all make sense and indeed it will become a second nature, I didn't believe him. 

I think I gave him the look as if to say, 'yeah... right.'.

It didn't take me long to realise, that he was right.

Most of the latter part of last year, I spent a lot of time thinking, on my journey to work in the car.

I am not exactly certain whether it was the marriage thing that got under my skin, or the pressure of work load, but I was very, very emotional. 

Thought of making changes to our lives when things were going alright definitely scared me. I was sure that I wanted to be with this person that I shared past almost 9 years of my life with, but I wasn't sure if we had the strength to make the marriage a right thing.

We came out with little cracks in our souls, sort of wounds that perhaps needed an unconditional loving and caring.

I don't know why the focuses were on the negatives, and neither of us knew how to deal with it. The more I tried to fight my corners, the more it went wrong. The more I tried to talk, the more we argued with defence. It was really hard. It was all far too much of an effort for very little rewards that felt so unreasonable.

I think we both were learning.

Earlier this year, however, was altogether the different story.

It felt like the moment that I realised I could drive whilst listening to the radio, planning my day ahead and even having a sip of drink, had come.

We were the same people doing the same old things except, that everything felt so much more respected and grounded, as if we had finally found the peace within ourselves.

It all started to make sense.

You know, I don't know what happens to other people, or my next door neighbours.
What I know is that, all our lives sometimes takes its unexpected turns. For better or for worse, it is the turn we just have to get through one way or the other.

As much as I couldn't stand the moments that we constantly argued like we were two enemies on the mission to kill each other, now I am on the other side seeing the light, for me it was that moments of continuous efforts to fight, made us to be who we are. And I am very, very glad we never gave up that fight.

Looking back, I think that's what I was most scared of.

What if one day, we just couldn't be bothered to care. What if giving up becomes a preferable option than trying. What if, if we ever forget how we got here.

But then I remembered, I used to say to Toby, we can't live our lives in what ifs.

Silly me.

Roasted Sweet Potato Taco

Serves 2

for the flat bread taco shells

70g rice flour

70g plan flour, plus little extra for dusting

2tbsp natural yogurt

some olive oil or softened butter

pinch of salt

some luke warm water

for the sweet potatoes

2-3 sweet potatoes, cubed

1 tsp cumin seed

1/2 tsp dried chilli flakes

some olive oil

pinch of salt and pepper

for the spicy slaw

1/2 small red cabbage (about 200g)

1 medium carrot

1 small red onion

1inch ginger, grated

1/2 tbsp fish sauce

1/2 tsp palm sugar

1 fresh lime juice

1/2 fresh orange juice

pinch of salt and white pepper

small fresh chilli to taste

for the crushed avocado

1 ripe avocado, crushed

1/2 red onion, finely chopped

1 garlic clove, finely chopped

1 small tomato, finely chopped

1/2 fresh lime juice

handful of fresh coriander, chopped

some olive oil

pinch of salt and pepper

small fresh chilli to taste

for the garnish

some natural yogurt

lemon juice

pinch of sumac

Okay, here's the thing.

Like those moments I've been babbling about, mastering my own taco shells took me few errors in making. To get to the point where it felt effortless to produce such an outcome, I must say, there had been quite tricky. But don't be put off by it at all.

By all means, the beauty of this dish is that, you can make it as easy and as fuss free as you like. You can just buy ready made taco shells, simply opt for an ordinary coleslaw, and use shop bought guacamole.

It doesn't have to be just so. But do roast the sweet potatoes yourself, because for me, lightly spiced sweet potatoes are just to die for.

First of all, put all ingredients for sweet potatoes into the baking dish, and roast them for 35mins or so at 200º.

Mean while, make your spicy slaw. You can do this by chopping up all the ingredients really fine by hand, or pushing them through the food processor to shred them.
Once the cabbage, carrot and onions are shredded, add salt and put them into the colander for about 20mins or so to remove excess water. Once all the excess water is drained, put shredded vegetables into a large mixing bowl and add ginger, sugar, pepper, fish sauce, lime juice, orange juice and chilli to taste.

For the avocado, I crush my avocado with fork because I prefer the texture it gives. When you blitz them with the hand blender, although there's nothing wrong with it at all, I found the whole thing a bit too mushy for me.
So it is entirely up to you to decide how you want to have them.

To make the taco shells, mix all ingredients, and work the dough until it becomes supple.
Divide the dough into four, and roll them out on to the floured surface to make into four small discs.
Once rolled, brush them with little oil, heat heavy based pan, and cook them for two minutes or so on each side on medium heat.
The trick here is to make sure not to over cook them. Take them off the heat immediately, and gently mould it into the shape whilst it's still warm. As it cools down, it will become harder to shape.

As I think this is a great sharing plate, I will probably put all the components on the table and get people to help themselves. Although I am serving mine with natural yogurt, you could throw in some sour cream instead.
Hope you enjoy.

Hope you are not giving up that fight any time soon.

Because, as much as it may sound corny, in the end, it will all be worth it.

so we drop that bombshell.

Hello there!
I must confess something before I start this post and that something is, I did have all the good intentions to write up this post and share it with you, when the summer's sun was shining high up the sky and my skin was feeling slightly leathery from the tan. 
But, in truth, I struggled.
I tried hard to make sense of it all but it was all very difficult to get the words out when things were far too confusing in my own head itself.
So that is why I am a little late.

Well, so... I am, for real, getting married.
Yes, you heard me right.
So I suspect I should be telling you of those much wanted romantic proposal story of ours, of which of course, quite naturally that everyone expects to hear. 
Because it supposed to be 'The Moment', as some might refer. But I am afraid, this won't be the case. 
There wasn't a romantic candle lit dinner, neither the bunch of roses, nor the tradition of kneeling down, and most definitely no question was asked. 
Hold your thoughts, guys. It's complicated.

I can't locate that key moment that I can call 'The Moment'. 
It kind of happened gradually over the past few years and one day, I realised we have spoken the forbidden word; the wedding.
And over the first few weeks since our wedding was on the agenda, I sort of felt cheated. 
I mean, by the fact that Toby never had to asked me, kind of made me feel like I was being sold too easily. Sort of.
Having said that, it wasn't as if I didn't know him enough to realise that the chance of him popping the much regarded question was improbable. It is fair to say that sort of thing had no chance of happening. He is just not that sort of bloke. He has his own ways of doing things and his ideas of being romantic differs from others, of which more than often brought me a fair bit of unanticipated joy.
I appreciated him the way he was and this wasn't going to be a problem. And because neither of us had great interests in wedding/marriage nor the children when we first met all those years ago, this wasn't something that I expected to become an issue.
Then, what?
Well, as much as my understanding of this whole thing was very clear in my head, when it finally didn't happen, I found it very tough to comprehend that, although we're getting married, I was never going to have the once-in-a-life-time chance of experiencing the fuss and the excitement of 'The Moment'.

I think, for me and in my pretty complicated little head, the act of asking was the ultimate confirmation and the declaration of one's devotion. 
The act of asking reinforces the answer and together it reaffirms that the both party is equally committed to one and the other. Also very possibly, this process brings two participants closer by sharing the, arguably one of the most significant moment of their lives together as a pair. And I didn't want to miss out on the opportunity that was open and available to any one of us!
And it was that, I was having problems with.

Then, over the family luncheon table, Toby, out of blue, spoke out. 
"Well, everyone knew what that ring really meant. It's just that it took me some time to come to terms with it all."

Oh, yes. I forgot about that. I do have a ring and yes, there was the moment, if you want to call it that.
Okay, lets go back a few years.
Two years ago, over a dinner with our friend who was responsible for us becoming an item, Toby declared that perhaps it was about time he should buy me a ring since I'd been banging on about this token of love business for many years. After few drinks, I decided that I will take the advantage of the offer and the following day, he bought me a ring. Yes, a little sparkler on my finger that represented his token of love. 
We called it a commitment ring. They called it an engagement ring.
We tried to explain that it wasn't an engagement ring and we were indeed very happy with it being a symbolic gesture of our relationship. But no one got it.
But that really did not matter to us. Because we understood it. 

Come to think of it, and without waxing the lyrical about what Toby said and done, his rather generous act of buying me a ring was of course, the moment to remember. One does not spoil the other with such an extravagance with no reason.
He actually did something. He took a giant leap toward the world of stability. He was in process of dealing with his believes in the subject matter and he was making the alterations in his own way, and in his own time.

That's it, isn't it?
I couldn't recognise this because I was so wrapped up in the world of what's norm and what is expected of you by other people. 
My brain did not function in an usual way and my emotions were all over the place. Not being able to cope with people hammering me down with what should happen and people making their own plans for our wedding even before I got to understand it all, I was totally lost and confused.
I was so frightened to step into the world that had no existence in me, I almost forgot what was there all along. Everything was so cloudy, I forgot that our love takes a different shape, like many others do.

The love that nurtured us through the thick and thin, is something that we cherish and all we ever wanted to do was to celebrate. We wanted to become an unit to make our own little people. We wanted to pay a gratitude to our love and the commitments that lives with us in humble gestures of everydayness.
And we are doing it in our own little way to compliment the invaluable qualities of our team work that had made us better, made us stronger, and made us who we truly are.

So, here I am, writing our versions of the eventful moments, in the hope of everlasting, love.

Cold Soba Noodles
serves 2 generously as main or 4 as starter

250g soba noodles (100% buckwheat)
85ml soy sauce (use a good quality soy like Kikkoman) 
15ml mirin (cooking sake)
15g sugar
400-750ml dashi (Japanese fish stock. I use instant one.)

for the garnish
spring onion, finely chopped
radish or mooli, grated
fresh ginger, grated
toasted seaweed, cut in to fine strips


This really represents fine hot summer's day for both me and Toby.
The only fiddly part of this dish is, a) you have few things to grate and chop, and b) you need to think in advance to have the cold broth ready. Other than that, it is dead simple and really flavoursome.
Don't be put off by the fact that it is served cold, and don't try to freestyle by serving it warm. 
It works one way and that only way is to have this ice cold, as cold as you like. The hotter the weather outside, the colder the broth you'll want to have. 
This is packed with Umami sort of sensation that you will never forget.

So, as I said already, the process is simple.
Lets make the broth by mixing the soy, mirin and sugar in a small sauce pan and gently simmer it until sugar is dissolved. Add prepared hot stock gradually and taste the broth as you go along. I like mine slightly on the stronger side in taste, so I tend to use about 500-600ml of stock and adjust the sweetness by adding a little more sugar if I need to.
Once you have the perfect flavour combo of salty and sweet, let them cool down and stick it in the fridge until you need them. You can cool them down quicker in the freezer, if you are short of time.

Prepare your garnishes.
Over the years, I have found the combinations of radish/mooli, spring onions and ginger works a treat with a little strips of toasted seaweed. However, it is entirely up to you to add or omit.

Cook the soba noodles as instructed in the packet and rinse them thoroughly in ice cold water to stop them cooking further.
These noodles get stuck together quite easily if you leave them out for too long once cooked,  so you want to cook them when you are ready to serve the dish.

Usually, the way to have this dish is to serve the noodles separately in a small bundle, either  in the bamboo basket or tray. You will have cold broth in a small bowl, garnish your broth as you like and dunk the noodles in your bowl.
But there is nothing stopping you to just serve it all in one bowl with a side garnish.
Hope you enjoy it!

So we drop that bombshell.

finding home, in people.

I received a parcel that I thought I wasn't expecting.
Scanning carefully through the label on the box, I recalled the conversation with my sister on new year's eve. 


My sister had mentioned about my new address and the post code. She tried to copy out from the Christmas card that I'd sent but she was having trouble with my hand writing. 
She said she always felt bad not having done anything in response to my letters and cards, that she wanted send me a few bits and she stressed she was missing me terribly.
I could sense the tears in her voice as she spoke, but I didn't think it was anything unusual. I tried to cheer her up and suggested she should come to visit me soon and perhaps we could spend some time together in summer. 
I told her I now even have a spare bedroom where I could put her up so she doesn't have to crush on the sofa anymore. She laughed cheerfully and said it didn't matter where she sleeps as long as I'm with her. Her voice shook a bit.
Although she was exceptionally emotional unlike her usual self, I could not have guessed why she sounded how she sounded.


In the box I received from my dear sister, Sara, amongst all the things she had carefully chosen for me to remember our childhood together, was a letter.
A hand written letter in a bright orange envelope that read 'to my dear loving sister Su'.


Every sentence has come as a shock and I could not stop the waves of emotions crushing my heart. My heart beat stopped.
I was so upset to be the last person to find out the truth of what had been going on at home for the last 12 years of my absence. I was so sorry and thankful that my family had wished and worked so hard to protect me and my feelings so badly. I felt so guilty to be the one being so far away and to have lived a different life. I felt so sick and angry that I couldn't do anything to help or change what's happened to my family.
They had lost it all.


I knew my parents business wasn't going too well. But I had assumed that it was just the way things were going in all places. With the downturns of world economy, I presumed maybe times were just very tough back home, but never once imagined that my parents will get to the point of losing it all. 
They now have nothing. 
Everything they earned, owned and worked hard for was gone and taken away.


My sister added, 'Mum, dad and I are going to have to move out from the house we're in, possibly in matter of few weeks at the most. Our brother will be okay. He's still in university and is going to finish his final year. 
The reason why I am writing this to you isn't to worry you or upset you. I just want you to know that things had not been too great over here and that may be the reason why mum was so down. 
I thought about moving out of home for a long time when things were too difficult. There were more times that we didn't get on than we were happy. 
The situation we are in is a utter mess but no one could have helped or prevented what was ahead of mum and dad. It is just unfortunate. We just need to do what we have to do to keep this family together. You have worked hard for what you achieved and you just need to keep it going. That would be one thing that mum and dad never wish to loose. Love you sis. Maybe I'll see you this summer and hopefully things will be better then.'.


Seeing what is final on paper in black and white, made me realise how much I relied on home. 
Although I never wished anything from my parents, my inner strength to carry on life abroad heavily relied on emotional support from my family. Knowing that my backbone was rooted deeply in the other side of world in my home, provided me the foundations of my integrity. Knowing that I can find home and comfort in familiar voices of my family has always got me further. 
It saddens me that home I remember with full of loving memories that my family shared together isn't a place for me to go back to anymore.


I cried and cried. 
Feeling completely out of control, I could not help myself sobbing. Tears weren't enough to make me feel better but I didn't know what else I could do to make things better. 
It still feels raw.
Thinking of all those painstakingly horrible years of trouble my family had gone through, only wishing to put things right, it must have been an awful time for all of them. What has happened is clearly a tragedy and the scar will take long time to heal.
But money comes and goes, and the life is what we make of. 


The place I called home is only home because of the people. 
I'll find home in people, in people that I love unconditionally. For better or for worse...

Rice Soup
serves 4


150g basmati rice
2 garlic cloves, sliced and shallow fried
3inch long leek, finely sliced
1liter vegetable stock
pinch of salt and white pepper
rice bran oil
1tbsp sesame oil
handful of cooked peas and some raw sugar-snap peas
chopped spring onions


This dish brings all the memories of my childhood. I was often unwell and my mum used to make this to comfort me.
I love the simple flavour and the silky texture of this dish. If you want to make this more meaty, you can swap the vegetable stock to chicken or beef and add some shredded meat.
My dad often made oxtail broth and made very rich rice soup for all of us in cold winter days.


First of all, soak rice in cold water for 10mins to remove some starch. Rinse thoroughly and drain.
Over a medium heat, add a little rice bran oil into your pan and saute the sliced leeks until golden. Add the rice along with 1tbsp sesame oil and a good pinch of cracked white pepper. Give it a good stir for 2mins and add the stock and simmer for 15-20mins. Stir occasionally.
Final dish should still have a fair bit of liquid. You can add more stock to make them more soupy if you prefer.


While rice is cooking, prepare your peas. Finely slice sugar-snap peas as it will be used raw.
Once rice is cooked, make sure to season them with little salt and divide them into four bowls. Garnish them with fired garlic, peas and some spring onions.

All is not lost. 
Although it may all seem so unkind, peaceful mind and solidity of our soul will carry us through. 
Hopefully...

it cleanses my soul.

I've done it again.

I bought exactly the same diary as last year and the year before, and another year before that, and then very possibly, another few years going back over a half a decade.

I sat down with a nice big mug of green tea; remember, this is a new year and we also all play this game, in the name of detox.

I am going through my last year's diary. Flipping through each and every pages of last year, I rather love the reminiscent of what has become apparent past. Patiently copying all important birthdays, anniversaries and etc. onto my new diary, I am excited what will unfold. The possibilities of unknown is daunting but the opportunities of possible ability is the force that pushes me to march through with grace and enchantment.

I read through dinner party night guest lists, date nights, some unkept training sessions, holidays, little notes on 'I must' and some endless lists of ideas on new recipes I scribbled on all over and every corner of my last year's diary.

I think a lot of stuff I planned last year was more of a 'wish-list' than a 'to do-list'. More than half a year was dedicated to our dream of making a new home-sweet-home, we hardly stopped to take a breath.

I feel I've neglected my love of food although I religiously worshiped my love of wine. I was so busy demanding Toby of all things DIY, I forgot to tell him what it meant for me to have him so close to me and breath together. Spending most of time stressed about nothing important, I didn't think to sit down and appreciate.

So I am going to do it again.

I'll write all those things down. Like many other years. 

In a hope to better myself, I will follow this rituals of the opening of new year.

Because it cleanses my soul.

Curried Yellow Split Peas
Serves 4


160g yellow split peas, soaked in water over night then rinsed thoroghly
1/2 tsp fenugreek seed
1/4 tsp mace
1/4 tsp fennel seed
1/2 tsp cumin seed
1 whole chilli
1 onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1inch ginger, grated
1/2 tsp ground turmeric
1 cinnamon stick
2 medium size tomatoes, chopped
3 tbsp tamarind water
50ml coconut milk
700ml water
1/2 tsp garam masala
little vegetable oil
some salt and pepper


for garnish
1 onion, finely sliced
some vegetable oil
pinch of salt
chopped coriander




This dish is my kind of feel good comfort food.
It is relatively simple to make and the mixture of spices gives lovely depth of flavour to the peas. 
I love the little sour flavour comes from tamarind water which elevates the curry while coconut milk helps to maintain the richness.


First of all, dry roast the spices (fenugreek, mace, fennel and cumin) and ground them in pestle and mortar.
Over a medium heat, add a little oil into your pan and saute the onions until softened and golden in colour. Add garlic, ginger, ground spices, turmeric, cinnamon stick and chopped tomatoes along with some freshly cracked black pepper.
Put the lid back onto the pan and leave them to cook for 5mins. Make sure to stir well occasionally to stop them sticking to the bottom of the pan.
After 5mins or so, add the peas, chilli as whole, pinch of salt and water to the pan. Bring them to boil then simmer for 45mins to 1hour. Stir them occasionally.
Once the yellow split peas are cooked (should be soft with a little bite to it rather than mushy), add tamarind water along with coconut milk.
Finally, dust the garam masala on top of cooked peas, put the lid back on the pan and leave them to rest for at least 30mins to give the dish time to develop the flavour.


You can fry the onions while you wait. 
Simply fry them with little oil and a pinch of salt over medium heat until they are crispy.


Before you serve, make sure to give it a good stir, season to taste and garnish it with crispy onions and some fresh coriander.
Enjoy!

Hope you are all in for the brilliant 2012!

we are still at it

Four months ago it was, when I was thinking to myself that I'll be depending on all things green and leafy, that I will be working my arse off and sure I will be able to get into those pair of jeans that I hadn't been able to tackle for the last five or six years. Miraculously with the capital 'M'!


So lets have a little reality check to make sure that I am on track and to help you to understand what this random pledge was all about.


Well, this is my problem.
I absolutely fell in love with this little maisonette that had nothing but issues written all over it.
Floors were infested by woodworms, all windows and architraves were smothered in full gloss paints to make die of its beauty, every inch of internal doors were covered with vanish it might as well just disappear. The entire walls in the house was suffocated by layers and layers of wall coverings that took me all the way back to the beginning of the year, 1905; the full circle of fashion.


I convinced and persuaded Toby that this will be our absolute dream home that we had to go for it. And as any loving man will do, he did.


The thing was though, as much as I was confident that I could see it through and we will get to it before we know it, I couldn't deny the fact that this was all down to me. Absolutely everything. 
From having to live in the house full of dust with no kitchen, no heating, no proper walls and no complete floors, to giving up cultural infills of telly nights and sociable weekends in an attempt to get some works done, was and is all because of me. 
And honestly, the pressure is on.


Lying in or chill out weekends were written out from our dictionary fairly earlier on.
Every evenings were fight. Trying to make one thing better, we had to make ten things worse. Then there was the senseless arguments on why we were doing what we were doing at that time of the night, when most of the others would be sipping a lovely glass of wine, sitting comfortably in front of telly, unwinding. 
We did in fact, of course had glasses of wine. Only difference was that we were hopelessly crashed on the shaky floorboards with our glass full of tired sighs, high degrees of frustrations and the dangers of potential anger. 
Such a simple tasks attacked us with resilience. Every job was our enemies putting us in test, the world of 'Battle DIY'.


We feel more home in building site. Stress and problems are the air we breathe to feel alive. Barking mad at each other brings some much needed familiar passion back to our lives. Boxes of mess comforts us that we are still standing. 
I file my nails in sand paper grit 80 with a huge success rate whilst sanding skirting boards. Toby cracks up the joke about possible electrocution while handling lights and switches and there it comes my bonus, he swears heavily with some extra injected emotion. 
Microwave has never been so useful feeding exhausted hungry souls. Hoover becomes none existence as dust becomes our lovers. Camping has never been so close to our hearts as we learn to live with all things basic that comes with great difficulties.
And going back to the beginning of my pledge, my intention of being super healthy eating all things green, in aid to naturally shift that extra few pounds through this hard working building exercise experience has no chance to shine, as I make up those extra calories with what I would call, well deserved bottle of wine.

So as you can guess, we are not anywhere near reaching the finishing line and I have no desire to get into that old pair of jeans. 
It's relentless and it is tiring.
But the realisations of compassionate loving is something we learn as we plod along through this long rocky road. As long as we share that momentary laughter in togetherness every now and then to cheer each other up, I think, I will be alright. 

Hot and sour soba noodle salad with prawns 


soba noodles, cooked as instructed
some king prawns, cooked and peeled
1/2 cucumber, seed scooped out and sliced
1/2 carrot, sliced like matchsticks
2 garlic cloves, peeled and thinly sliced
1inch root ginger, peeled and thinly sliced
couple of shallots or 1/2 white onion, finely sliced
some spring onions, chopped
some hot red chillies
1 tbsp caster sugar
2 tbsp cider vinegar for pickling and 1tbsp for dressing
1/2 tbsp palm sugar
3 tbsp tamarind water
1/2 tbsp fish sauce
1tbsp soy sauce
lime juice
pinch of salt
white pepper
some rice bran oil


This is very simple delicious dish that can be made with very little effort. All ingredients give lots of different layers of texture that make dish more filling and interesting.


Start by pickling carrot and cucumber slices in caster sugar and vinegar mixture. Add 1tbsp warm water and a pinch of salt. Cover it and leave them for at least 30mins or longer the better. Make sure to squeeze the moisture out thoroughly when you're ready to use them. 


In the mean time, heat shallow frying pan with some rice bran oil (you can use vegetable oil if you prefer but not olive oil). Add shallots, garlic and ginger into the pan and carefully fry them until golden.


Make the dressing by placing palm sugar, vinegar, tamarind water, fish sauce, chopped chilli and soy in a jam jar, or salad dressing shaker if you have one. Add pinch of salt and some freshly cracked white pepper with lots and lots of lime juice and stir, mix or shake vigorously. You want to be able to taste the kick from the chilli with some fruity sweetness and the salty fish sauce getting you again at the back of your throat. Fresh lime juice will make it all zingy and lively. 
Adjust it to your taste with more lime or sugar or fish sauce. You can add a little warm water to loosen the dressing if you want it milder.


In a large mixing bowl, put noodles, prawns, pickled carrots and cucumber, fried onions, garlic and ginger. Stir well to coat all ingredients with prepared dressing.
Sprinkle them with some more fresh chilli and spring onions for some added kick.
Delish!

We will get through it.