I used to.

If you knew me from all those years ago, you'd remember, I was that girl who used to blush in pain as I reluctantly say my name.
When I was growing up, I never used to like my name. 
It's only when I came to London that I made a peace of being 'Suk'.

'Suk' was quite an unusual surname to have as there weren't many around. 
I used to hate the fact that it was rare, and was never really keen on how it sounded.
It used to make me feel like I was an odd ball rather than one of many, which was quite strange because, all I ever wanted to be when I was at school, was to be different, and to stand out.

At the start of every academic year, thought of having to introduce myself was enough to put me off, and used to take all the excitements away from all the things I'd been looking forward to. 
Receiving new text books, making new friends, planning a year ahead on my brand new diary, all those fancy coloured biros that I've been proudly collecting with the intention to do well in the classes and etc., would quite simply shy away, and took a back sit whilst I quietly breathe in and out in fear of having to say my name out loud.
Oh gosh, I can tell you, those moments were painful. Painful to be me, and probably even more painful to be around me.

Yes, I know it may sound so pathetic, but back then, it was one of my greatest fear of all time. It was like the biggest mole or the scar on your forehead that I couldn't get rid of, and I had to carry this one giant catastrophic embarrassment with me forever. I had to grin and bear this painful journey of introducing myself all the way through my adulthood, and it wasn't gonna go away as long as my living life exists! 
It was like 'Oh God, please give me the strength!'.

So, as you can imagine, since getting married, I joyfully started the process of changing my name. I first casually started the process with the many online sites I joined up, which made me giggle as it seemed so wrong that my name sounded so English. 
Then I enthusiastically visited my bank, like a girl on the mission, and proudly presented my marriage certificate. 
I didn't even think twice about being 'Mrs Scott'. For me, it was a done deal. 
You see, I was always so sure that I wanted to take Toby's name. Well, I thought I was anyway.

The day I received my brand new bank card, however, with 'Scott' written all over it, I hesitated. I carried two cards in my purse for days and days. I was reluctant to sign the new card. 
All of at sudden I wasn't quite sure. I wasn't ready to say good-bye to my old self. I kept hearing my old self whispering, 'I quite like being 'Suk'. 
After all these years, and for the first time in my lived life, 'Suk' kind of sounded cool.
For whatever the reason, I felt sort of sad.
Was I scared? Did I feel sad thinking I was loosing part of me? Maybe. 
But it's a bit daft to think that, isn't it? Because actually, as you might say, nothing really changes at all.

I am still the same weird one trying to live this weird and wonderful life in its full potential to be happy, except now, I do that with my lifelong friend, husband!

Prawn Parcels in Aromatic Asian Broth
Serves 4 as starter or 2 as main

for the broth
chicken carcass or some chicken wings
1 small pork spare rib
1 star anise
1 cinnamon stick
10 cloves
5 white peppercorn
5 black peppercorn
bunch of spring onions
5 garlic cloves
1inch ginger
pinch of salt

for the parcels
250g raw king prawns
1/2 inch ginger, grated
1 garlic clove, grated
1 green chilli, roughly chopped (use less if you don't like it hot)
handful of coriander, roughly chopped
2 spring onions, roughly chopped
180g cooked rice (I used mixed wild rice which has more bite to it)
2tbsp soy sauce
1/2 tbsp mirin
pinch of white pepper
4 large savoy cabbage leaves (use 8 small leaves instead, if your leaves are too small)
pinch of salt

for the garnish
Shichimi powder (optional)
some red chilli, thinly sliced
some spring onion, finely sliced

This is a sort of dish I crave when I feel like my body's been overly nourished with rich and heavy food. Its aromatic broth will gently calm your palate, whilst sweet juicy prawns wrapped up in green cabbage leaves comfort you with a substance.

I have used prawns for this recipe but do feel free to use ground beef, pork or even maybe some shiitake mushrooms if you prefer. Just remember to season well. If you are going to use mushrooms as your choice of filling, you might want to blanch them first to remove some excess water, and season well with some soy sauce and sesame oil.
It can appear a bit fiddly to make, but trust me, you'll be so glad that you've had a go.

First thing you need to do is making the broth, which is quite simple.
Put all the ingredients for the broth in a large sauce pan, and fill it with water, about 2-2.5 litre. Bring it to boil, gently simmer for 2-3 hours, let it cool down a little when ready, and run it through the sieve to collect the liquid.
Now, you want to keep this broth in the fridge for a while, preferably overnight, or until the fat sets hard on the surface so it is easy to remove the fat from the broth. 
I like doing this because this process will make my broth extra lean but with all the flavours I need.
One thing I will say though, is please, do make your broth. 
I'd like to say you can just use shop bought chicken stock and it will possibly do the job, but it won't be the same.

For the parcels, first of all, bring the water to boil in the medium sauce pan, put the savoy cabbage leaves, add pinch of salt, and boil them for about minute or so until the leaves are softened a little.
Rinse the cabbage leaves in ice cold water, drain and give it a good squeeze to remove all excess water.
Carefully spread each leaves on to your chopping board, remove as much as of the hard stem bits in the middle, and set a side.

Now, onto the prawn filling. Place prawns, ginger, chilli, garlic, coriander and spring onion into your food processor, and whizz them up until it resembles a course paste.
Tip those into a large mixing bowl, add your cooked rice, mirin, soy sauce and white pepper, and give it a good stir.

To make the parcel, place your cabbage leave onto the clean surface, and spoon the prawn mixture onto the cabbage. 
You want to start wrapping this up by folding the softer bottom end of cabbage leaves first rather than the stem end, then the sides and just roll them until you get to the stem end. Secure it with couple of cocktail sticks.
Repeat the process until you finish all four of them.

Put your broth you made earlier in a large shallow saucepan and bring it to simmer.
Place your prawn parcels, and simmer gently for about 15mins.

You can finish off the dish with the sprinkle of some Shichimi powder, thinly sliced red chilli and spring onion.
Hope you enjoy.

I must admit, I found it very very strange saying the word 'husband'. 
I get all giddy and ever so slightly embarrassed when I say 'the word'.

and the new beginning for us all.

Good friend of mine at work once mentioned how fed up he was with it all. 

He was upset having to struggle months on ends. To be able to live a little, and to pursuit the passion of his life, he said this job was getting just too depressing. With very little in return of all those hard work and hours that he puts in, he wondered if it was worth it at all, after all.

It was strange, a bit strange to feel like listening to your own voice that you have been trying so hard to avoid to acknowledge.

The same kind of conversation carried on many times after that between us, but never once I thought, he would actually be, leaving. Not because that I have doubted his desire for a new direction but just because, I thought, it was one of those moments that we all go through every now and then. Just so we can dream a little thinking that the life was perhaps, greener on the other side.

The day that he announced that he was leaving for good, we were all very upset. 

It was sad to realise that there wasn't going to be this funny, stomach cramping and sometimes a bit over the top 'ED the Hero' character, who puts a big smile on all of any old sad faces in the salon any more. 

And I was upset that, there will not be any more of those conversations that we shared. The very sort of conversations that I was deeply comforted by.

I gave him a big hug. 

A hug to celebrate his courage for making that next step, the brave step that I always feared to commit.

A few days later, I spoke to my brother to congratulate him for his success in getting a job. 

He said he was just in bit of luck to have been offered such a position. I don't think he realises what a brilliant news it is to the rest of the family. 

For him to be able to secure such a job means, the ray of sunshine to my mum and dad who unfortunately has been lost in the gloomy tunnel. 

It is a delightful hope that will guide them into the positive dreams of making the small steps to find the new beginning.

Scotch Eggs

150g raw king prawns, shells removed

2 small shallots, roughly chopped

1inch root ginger, roughly sliced

1 garlic clove, crushed

1 chilli, roughly chopped

handful of fresh coriander

4 eggs, use 3 for the scotch eggs and 1 lightly beaten for the coating

some plain flour

some breadcrumbs

salt and pepper 

oil for frying

This is not just Scotch Eggs. 

This is very sumptuous scotch eggs covered in aromatic prawn paste that is very light but packed with flavour. The hint of fiery chilli will give you a little kick as you bite into those crispy layer of its outer coat and as you work your way into its runny centre, it will, indeed wow you with its beautifully silky texture.

The most important part of this dish is the boiling of eggs. 

I like to keep my yokes very runny so it can be a bit tricky. Obviously, how you want them is entirely up to you. If you prefer your yokes more cooked through then just cook them for longer. 

I drop my eggs into boiling water with little salt and simmer for about 6mins. Make sure eggs are at room temperature. When they are done, take them out and put them into the ice cold water too cool them. Once cooled, peel them very carefully.

Meanwhile, make the prawn paste by blending shallots, ginger, garlic, fresh coriander, chilli and prawns with little salt and pepper. When they become smooth in consistency and very green in colour, they are ready.

To put things together, you need some cling film.

Place your cling film onto the work surface and spread the prawn paste thinly in the middle, wide enough to cover the egg. Lightly flour the egg and place it onto the centre of the paste that you just spread and lift up the edges of the cling film carefully to cover the egg. 

This may seem very fiddly but you will soon find it easy enough once you get the hang of it.

Now, dust your eggs with little flour, dip them in lightly whisked egg and then onto the breadcrumbs.

The easiest way to do this is to use one hand for the wet ingredients, in this case dipping the eggs into the whisked egg and the other for dry. This way you won't end up with lots of messy fingers.

I used Panko breadcrumbs for this dish. 

They are flaky Japanese breadcrumbs which gives much lighter and crispier finish when fried. But an ordinary breadcrumbs will work fine too.

Finally, fry them in hot oil until golden and enjoy it. 

Delicious with homemade garlic mayonnaise!

The new beginning for us all.

we are still at it

Four months ago it was, when I was thinking to myself that I'll be depending on all things green and leafy, that I will be working my arse off and sure I will be able to get into those pair of jeans that I hadn't been able to tackle for the last five or six years. Miraculously with the capital 'M'!


So lets have a little reality check to make sure that I am on track and to help you to understand what this random pledge was all about.


Well, this is my problem.
I absolutely fell in love with this little maisonette that had nothing but issues written all over it.
Floors were infested by woodworms, all windows and architraves were smothered in full gloss paints to make die of its beauty, every inch of internal doors were covered with vanish it might as well just disappear. The entire walls in the house was suffocated by layers and layers of wall coverings that took me all the way back to the beginning of the year, 1905; the full circle of fashion.


I convinced and persuaded Toby that this will be our absolute dream home that we had to go for it. And as any loving man will do, he did.


The thing was though, as much as I was confident that I could see it through and we will get to it before we know it, I couldn't deny the fact that this was all down to me. Absolutely everything. 
From having to live in the house full of dust with no kitchen, no heating, no proper walls and no complete floors, to giving up cultural infills of telly nights and sociable weekends in an attempt to get some works done, was and is all because of me. 
And honestly, the pressure is on.


Lying in or chill out weekends were written out from our dictionary fairly earlier on.
Every evenings were fight. Trying to make one thing better, we had to make ten things worse. Then there was the senseless arguments on why we were doing what we were doing at that time of the night, when most of the others would be sipping a lovely glass of wine, sitting comfortably in front of telly, unwinding. 
We did in fact, of course had glasses of wine. Only difference was that we were hopelessly crashed on the shaky floorboards with our glass full of tired sighs, high degrees of frustrations and the dangers of potential anger. 
Such a simple tasks attacked us with resilience. Every job was our enemies putting us in test, the world of 'Battle DIY'.


We feel more home in building site. Stress and problems are the air we breathe to feel alive. Barking mad at each other brings some much needed familiar passion back to our lives. Boxes of mess comforts us that we are still standing. 
I file my nails in sand paper grit 80 with a huge success rate whilst sanding skirting boards. Toby cracks up the joke about possible electrocution while handling lights and switches and there it comes my bonus, he swears heavily with some extra injected emotion. 
Microwave has never been so useful feeding exhausted hungry souls. Hoover becomes none existence as dust becomes our lovers. Camping has never been so close to our hearts as we learn to live with all things basic that comes with great difficulties.
And going back to the beginning of my pledge, my intention of being super healthy eating all things green, in aid to naturally shift that extra few pounds through this hard working building exercise experience has no chance to shine, as I make up those extra calories with what I would call, well deserved bottle of wine.

So as you can guess, we are not anywhere near reaching the finishing line and I have no desire to get into that old pair of jeans. 
It's relentless and it is tiring.
But the realisations of compassionate loving is something we learn as we plod along through this long rocky road. As long as we share that momentary laughter in togetherness every now and then to cheer each other up, I think, I will be alright. 

Hot and sour soba noodle salad with prawns 


soba noodles, cooked as instructed
some king prawns, cooked and peeled
1/2 cucumber, seed scooped out and sliced
1/2 carrot, sliced like matchsticks
2 garlic cloves, peeled and thinly sliced
1inch root ginger, peeled and thinly sliced
couple of shallots or 1/2 white onion, finely sliced
some spring onions, chopped
some hot red chillies
1 tbsp caster sugar
2 tbsp cider vinegar for pickling and 1tbsp for dressing
1/2 tbsp palm sugar
3 tbsp tamarind water
1/2 tbsp fish sauce
1tbsp soy sauce
lime juice
pinch of salt
white pepper
some rice bran oil


This is very simple delicious dish that can be made with very little effort. All ingredients give lots of different layers of texture that make dish more filling and interesting.


Start by pickling carrot and cucumber slices in caster sugar and vinegar mixture. Add 1tbsp warm water and a pinch of salt. Cover it and leave them for at least 30mins or longer the better. Make sure to squeeze the moisture out thoroughly when you're ready to use them. 


In the mean time, heat shallow frying pan with some rice bran oil (you can use vegetable oil if you prefer but not olive oil). Add shallots, garlic and ginger into the pan and carefully fry them until golden.


Make the dressing by placing palm sugar, vinegar, tamarind water, fish sauce, chopped chilli and soy in a jam jar, or salad dressing shaker if you have one. Add pinch of salt and some freshly cracked white pepper with lots and lots of lime juice and stir, mix or shake vigorously. You want to be able to taste the kick from the chilli with some fruity sweetness and the salty fish sauce getting you again at the back of your throat. Fresh lime juice will make it all zingy and lively. 
Adjust it to your taste with more lime or sugar or fish sauce. You can add a little warm water to loosen the dressing if you want it milder.


In a large mixing bowl, put noodles, prawns, pickled carrots and cucumber, fried onions, garlic and ginger. Stir well to coat all ingredients with prepared dressing.
Sprinkle them with some more fresh chilli and spring onions for some added kick.
Delish!

We will get through it.