my grenade

'It was a beautiful morning.
That blissful sunshine coming through the windows forcing its way between the curtains I drew the night before to hide form the darkness of the sky above, bringing me tears of joy of waking up another morning without this fear that I suffered from.


I’ve never been a very good sleeper.
I didn’t like the dark much.
The night sky always looked deep and far that I could not bear to look up.
I am frightened of its unknown.
Perhaps it will swallow any existence of mankind who seems lost in this world.
Perhaps it will take you to that place you never wanted to touch upon.
Solitude was the thing the night sky brought to me and death to me was always so lonely.
I feared, I fear but maybe, I won’t suffer any more...'

I realise it is okay to revisit from time to time.
It may be the place of my youth where uncomfortable thoughts and memories of chaos were only ever existed.
It may be the place of my youth where everything was dressed seductively in ignorance and naiveness.


Either way, feeling strangely subdued..., I guess I am quite okay.

Breaking into this little pots of innocently blushed jelly, I almost felt a bit guilty.
Like those times when my mum used to told me off for spending all my pocket money on sweets from the stalls outside of my school.
Looking back, what appealed as an amazing wonderland of 'Charlie's chocolate factory' to me as a child, was in fact only a giant jumble sale of 'E' numbers.
But did I ever care? 
Probably not. 
I had fun with doing the forbidden. 
That's what kids do, isn't it? That's what we all do.


Once the initial move was made, second mouthful was much easier.
Lightly sweet spicy ginger beer bubbles with rather refreshing lime juice and a good kick of vodka hitting back of your throat, every mouthful was a journey back to my childhood.




Moscow mule jelly


100ml Vodka
50ml fresh lime juice
500ml ginger beer
few drops of Angostura Bitters
3tbsp agar flakes (You can use ordinary gelatin sheets)


In a small sauce pan, put all ingredients together and bring it to boil without stirring. 
Once it starts to boil reduce the heat. 
After couple of minutes, agar flakes should have dissolved well into the mixture. Give it a good stir and simmer for few more minutes until thicken slightly.
Divide the mixture into between 6-8 pots and chill in the fridge to set.


I put some grapes into my pots and decorate it with some mint leaves.
You can also top up the jelly pots with little more ginger beer to give them a bit more bubbles but just make sure to stir them before you chill them to set.
If you're using ordinary gelatin sheets, you'll have to follow the instructions on how much to use.

It was cleansing.